Monday, October 1, 2012

Family Traditions

This week my little family – husband, three-year-old son, and self – flew three thousand miles, from Southern California to Northern Kentucky, to spend a little quality time with the in-laws.   It’s been a couple years since we’ve visited, due, in part, to the aforementioned three-year-old and our concern that the average Delta flight couldn’t stock enough liquor and earplugs to make the journey bearable for the rest of the passengers.   But we mustered up our nerve, and our mood-stabilizers, and made the trip. 
I’m incredibly glad we did, not so much because the flight was a breeze – it most definitely was not – but because setting foot inside my in-laws’ house is an adventure, in the best possible way.  They’ve got family traditions I just can’t replicate in my own home.   And I don’t mean Bourbon and Euchre.  I could replicate those, though I flat-out suck at Euchre.  Given enough Bourbon, I don’t notice my epically tragic skills as much, but the traditions I speak of are slightly harder to emulate.

Tradition number one:  Home with a capital “H.”  My in-laws live in the same circa 1970’s rancher in which they raised my husband and all five of his siblings.  They bought the three bedrooms, one-and-a-half bath slice of the American dream new when it was part of a small, affordable suburb reasonably close to work, school, etc., and they eventually built-out the basement to accommodate their expanding family.  Over the years they’ve re-painted, re-carpeted, modernized the kitchen and bathrooms, but the fundamental character of the place remains unchanged.  It’s a home … comfortable, functional, and welcoming.   Nowadays Grandma and Grandpa have six adult children, a handful of sons and daughter-in-laws, and seventeen grandchildren ranging in age from twelve weeks to college freshman.  All of them, except us, live in the general vicinity.  There’s a relative or two, or twenty, running through the house at any given moment, which yields a kind of cozy chaos we don’t see in our three-person household.
This brings us to tradition number two:  Food.  If you’re going to have upwards of thirty people passing through, you’ve got to have plenty of food, and it’s got to be handy.  Because of this, my mother-in-law’s kitchen table serves as a shrine to the snack aisle at Kroger’s.  The opulence of colors, textures and shapes covering the surface are enough to make a Dutch painter weep – shiny Mylar chip bags, transparent-topped pastry boxes … an indescribable piece of decadence called a “chocolate ho-ho.” 

For the past few days our son has happily stuffed his little face with every crunchy, salty, sugary treat within reach.  Don’t get me wrong, he consumes plenty of junk at home.  But we can’t compete with the sheer variety offered on the all-you-can-eat buffet of crap he’s discovered here. 
After chomping into his very first Frito, he turned to me, face full of awe, and asked, “Mommy, what is this?” 

“It’s a corn chip.”
“How do you make it?”

“Um … you buy them at the store.” 
His eyes went wide.  The look he shot me said clearer than any words he could possibly string together:  Are you freaking kidding me?  This culinary excellence has been within reach my entire life?  Our trust is dead, lady.

How could I respond?  I shoved another handful of Fritos in my mouth and looked away.
The little guy also now knows the day doesn’t actually end at seven thirty p.m. -- and I have learned there is absolutely no point in trying to put your kid to bed at his normal bedtime when there are seven hundred other kids under the age of fifteen running around downstairs having the time of their lives.   Trust me on this.  Do not bother.

Yesterday introduced yet another tradition – the monthly birthday celebration.  In a family this size, celebrating each birthday as a stand-alone occasion becomes a logistical nightmare.  Instead they gather at the grandparents’ house on the designated Sunday, play in the backyard, talk, laugh, eat, sing “Happy Birthday,” and take a bunch of pictures.  No bouncy houses, no hired entertainers, and (gasp), no gift bags for the attendees.  The birthday folks leave with their presents and the rest of us walk away with the joy of the shared celebration.
And you know what?  I love it.  The whole thing is wonderful to the point I almost cry.  Many of the siblings own beautiful houses, just as centrally located, but, to me, at least, changing the venue would mess with the magic.  I think part of wonderfulness the lies in the perfect simplicity of gathering at a place full of memories and meaning for all of them … of coming home.

Have your own home-spun traditions?  I’m sitting here, munching on Fritos, waiting to hear all about them. 

16 comments:

  1. Hi Sam - yes, we have family traditons, from our yearly corned beef and cabbage must do, on St. Paddy's day to our Christmas Eve dinners, to having a Thanksgiving Day blow out, almsot bigger than Christmas... love your take on the simplicity of life. Makes me nostalgic.

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    1. Corned beef and cabbage makes me nostalgic! You must be an East coast girl by birth. Although, for some strange reason, that was the traditional New Year's Day meal in my youth. St. Paddy's Day was "amateur night" and we all stayed at home!

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  2. We have our Passover seder and Sundays with the grandparents.

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    1. Anything involving the grandparents is golden! Thanks for sharing your traditions.

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  3. Hi Sam!
    My mother was raised in West Virginia, and she was one of fourteen kids - only nine made it to adulthood. Family was very important to her, but she moved out west and met my dad. We went back for visits a couple of times but I've never felt part of my family back there. I feel like I've missed out on a lot. I love everything you described. The main tradition my mom passed on to us was singing in harmony. All of her brothers and sisters would get together and sing for entertainment - what else do you do in the backwoods of West Virginia? I love singing to this day, but need some buddies to harmonize with.
    As for Fritos. I love that salted corn chip. It has always been my chip of choice. I recently drove with hubby to and from Scottsdale, and I nearly threw a hissy fit at a Loves all you need stop for gas. All I wanted was a freaking bag of corn chips (because i think all road trips should be taken with junk food in hand) but noooo! All they had was extra hot chili Fritos and every other chip in the world. Word to the wise - do not mess with perfection!
    Your son and I know true goodness when we taste it! :)

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    1. I've been promised the super-secret Fritos casserole recipe before I leave KY. I will share ... for a price. I will need your best junk food recipe in exchange.

      I love, love, love the evenings singing together tradition. I don't get it on either the in-law side or the DNA-family side, and I'm sadly lacking in any musical talent of my own, but, back in college, I had a super-gifted friend who sang and played the guitar. A bunch of us would sit out on the roof deck and sing our little hearts out. Good times.

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    2. Have you heard of gut busters? The cheapest canned chili over fritos, covered with melted shredded cheddar cheese.

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  4. Sam, I loved this. It sounds like my mother's house in Australia. I'm from a huge family and her home is like Grand Central Station. They have a family lunch every Wednesday called Granny Grant lunch. : ) Mum makes a few things and everyone brings something. They eat together and the kids play, and those who work in town pop in and out. It's a lovely tradition and keeps my 89 year old Mum in the center of things.

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    1. Yeah, gathering around the parents is the way to go. The potluck idea is a great one, because it lightens the hosting load and, at 89, Mum's earned a light load!

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  5. Hi Sam - yes, we have family traditons, from our yearly corned beef and cabbage must do, on St. Paddy's day to our Christmas Eve dinners, to having a Thanksgiving Day blow out, almsot bigger than Christmas... love your take on the simplicity of life. Makes me nostalgic.

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  6. Sam! Loved this. Our traditions keep changing and evolving, and our family is small. One thing we recently started (oh, about four years ago now) is "test cake". Our grocery store has $5 fridays, and sometimes they have cake. One year my hubby bought a $5 cake - completely forgetting that we had a birthday boy in just a couple of days. He backpedaled and called it "birthday test cake" - and "test cake" has stuck ever since.

    The other family tradition is when we're all home together at dinner time, we eat by candle light. It may be corny, but the light is soft, it makes it easier to laugh and relax and enjoy. If a table cloth gets wax on it, it's not that big a deal because the table cloth is older than dirt, anyway.

    Cheers hon!

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    1. Your husband is a fast-talking, cake-buying stud! But our (nuclear) family is also small and I always end up eating way more than my fair share of a whole cake, so, for the sake of my cholesterol (okay, my ass), I'd better skip the "test cake" tradition. I'm all over the dinner by candlelight though. In our home, the table itself is older than dirt, so let the wax flow!

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  7. Thanks for sharing such a great post about your family and their traditions! All this talk of Fritos has inspired me to start a few new traditions in my house. I'm thinking a Cupcake Day (at least once a month) should be first up. :) When our kids were younger, we had many more traditions than we do now, but we still gather for holidays with the family and that's always the best. (Mostly.) lol

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    1. You're a genius! I will totally get behind Cupcake Day ... Cupcake week, whatever. If it involves the cupcake, I'm in!

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  8. Sam,
    You made me laugh out loud. Love the trust issue. Gone. Too funny! Traditions...? My kid eats what I did every Saturday morning as I watched cartoons. Chips Ahoy cookies and milk. I know... that's a sucky tradition, but it's the only one I can think of off the top of my head. I'm sure there are holiday things that are escaping me because of the 103 degree heat, but I've got junk food on the brain after reading your post.

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  9. No, no...the Chips Ahoy and milk tradition rocks! Sat. mornings are made for indulgences and it's crucial you taught your kids this at a young age. Thanks for sharing!

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